What's Behind A Heart Painting

Apr 5, 03:38 pm

Here’s my story…
Back in…2011 or 2012 (I can’t remember!) I completed my Beginner and Advanced Deposession and Curse Unravelling at the Pendle Hill Quaker Centre in Pennsylvania. I think it was around this time of year, early spring, although I remember leaves on the trees and bullfrogs in the pond. But everything was fresh and new and there were huge rainstorms almost every day.
Although Deposession and Curse Unravelling are old hat now, at the time I was totally freaked out. I was scared, uncomfortable, out of my element, and wanting to be anywhere but there. Why did I sign up for this?? I remember collapsing at the feet of my teacher saying “ I can’t do this! Get me out of here!” She just calmly looked at me without batting an eye, and said “Beth just focus on what you CAN do, and stop thinking about all the things you can’t.”
She probably knew every excuse in the book not to do this work.
Pendle Hill is a beautiful sanctuary in the middle of the city. It’s the size of a university, complete with a fully equipped art studio that anyone staying there could use. They had a donation box for supplies. That became my deepest inner sanctuary. Every day before class, probably around 5AM I would go to the studio and paint. My nervous system was so on fire that all I could do was breathe and make heart shapes. This act helped me get back into my body and find my courage to keep going. One day at a time. I began to put my finished heart paintings on the communal altar and so a little Heart display grew by the day.
Half way through the course, the big guns showed up. Students who had studied before and came for refresher or to deepen their practice. The place felt grounded with all these powerful women psychotherapists and shamans who knew the ropes. I also grew in courage as I learned more and more each day. And my early morning heart paintings kept me in my body.
Since that time, when I am challenged in my own life, I reach for this practice. It steadies me and keeps in embodied. It also helps me focus on what I can do, not what I can’t.